I’ve learned a lot of things about myself during my time in seminary. One thing I’ve learned for certain: writing for myself – outside of writing for classes and academic work – is next to impossible for me. I sink so much time and effort and mental energy into school work that I have none left over for any other creative outlet.
This blog clearly shows that. The number of original blog posts, rather than reproductions of school work, can be probably be counted on two hands over the last 2 years or so. I’ve alternated between feeling bad about this and not caring. Between energies spent elsewhere, and ever evolving feelings like about the political scene and my response to it, finding things to write here has become harder and harder and less important.
This year, my final year in seminary, I am going to be spending a lot of time writing my thesis, due in April of next year. My thesis work has been a great source of anxiety for me; the process of finding a topic, researching it exhaustively, and writing about it for upwards of 80 pages seems insurmountable on this side. The biggest hang up has been figuring out a topic, and what I think about that topic. I’ve bounced around so much, I am sure my advisers find me one of the flakiest aspiring theologians to ever walk the halls of academia.
I am finding that one thing that helps me discern direction and work on topics is feedback. Of course, this is also an anxiety-inducing thing, the putting out for public display my half-formed and still-developing thoughts on topics I’m not entirely sure I understand fully or can speak on coherently.
But, that’s what I’m going to try to do this year. As I go through this process, I am going to try out ideas and passages and arguments here that are part of my thesis, or that may be vaguely connected to it, or that may have been discarded but which I still find important. I am hoping to get some modicum of feedback as I do so from readers here, and in the process, strengthen my own writing and my thoughts.
So, in the end, this is me asking to please, engage what you find here in the future. It may not be regular posting or even coherent, but know that it is part of a process, and that it will hopefully contribute to a greater finished project that I can’t wait to share here.